she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
