So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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