So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
