that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
