I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
