You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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