if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize