But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
