My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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