dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
