tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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