Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
