Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
