i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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