I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
