Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
