Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
