How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
