She said her name was "party"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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