high people should be assigned attendants
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Houston, we have a blender
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
