I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
