Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so explain again why im purple
no
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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