I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
