Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
