oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
