Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
