so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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