It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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