you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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