Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
