i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
