Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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