I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
