i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
