Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
