i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
