Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
