butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
