Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
