is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize