Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize