Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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