Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize