Your dad touched me again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
