i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
