im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
