Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize