Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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