pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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