Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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