Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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