Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
