she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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