im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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