Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
