My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
