I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
