Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize