I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
