Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
