I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
