Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
