Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
