I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
