Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
