True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
