Girls should come with a carfax report
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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