thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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