It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
