I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
